to measure

As nurses we are trained to create 

well defined 

measurable 

goals.

Since the original 2004 stroke, we've looked mostly at what Mom CAN do, since she was actually expected to be dead or vegatative.

She could:

walk

drive

live

love

be.

By her definition, she was now . . . stupid, 

unable to speak, unable to actively communicate, unable to think clearly, unable to get thoughts down on paper,  sometimes unable to remember, and had to re-read everything (repeatedly).

She likes murder mysteries, and was often frustrated that it would take at least one Renewal (total 6 weeks), to finish a book.

Lately, I thought she was getting faster, but then they were books I was picking out and bringing to her.

She went to the Library and checked out:

418 pages

She finished it Sunday.  It's due Saturday.  That's 2 weeks, over the holidays and NO renewals.

Good Golly,

that's measurable!

Eight years, we've worked at figuring out what she is trying to say.

1. "write down a subject so I know what I'm trying to figure out."
2. listening to cadence and sound alikes.
3. yes can mean no, etc.
4. knowing her well enough that we often need to translate to others.

In a noisy restaurant, yesterday, she had a ten minute back and forth conversation, covering numerous subjects, with a good friend . . . with neither of them asking for my assistance.

The next day, this friend called me up, having Just realized what had happened.  She wanted to know how long Mom had been back in speech therapy.  (NOT)

What's changed?

The drugs?

She's off (June 2012) the Metapropol and Verapamil for the first time since 2004.  

I added an oral B-12 supplement for neuro-connectivity.  (I was looking toward brain/muscle communication)

Walking and independence in her home were all the goals I was looking to.

It NEVER occurred to me, 

that such a CHANGE 

might happen.

How can one create a measurable GOAL

out of what had become 

an Impossible DREAM.

a holiday?

Christmas Redux

fresh from Maine

the lights

the tree

more lights

the Concerts

not bad for elementary school

3 generations checking out socks

flying paper

bird or beast

I have a bird feeder book 

at home

that identifies birds 

and what they 

prefer for food in their feeders.

Cardinals:  black sunflower seeds

Gold Finches:  nyjer seed

Blue Birds:  meal worms

and

Hawks:  small song birds

Sit in it, 
(in the middle of the Buffet),
and they will come?


Maybe if I hide behind the Ornamental Grass
they will come BACK!

The young'un seems to think
he's hit the
Snack Bar
Jackpot!

you advance twice

I brought Mom home, (July 16th), almost exactly 5 months ago, (154 days).

July- I found her she was 25 lbs under-weight, listless, uninterested in food, sleeping most of the time, and total care.  The therapies we started at home were done mostly in her bed.
August- She had her first appt. with her new Cardiologist, sits up in her wheelchair or recliner for therapy, I succeeded in getting her showered without injury to either of us, she's taking an interest in life, she sees her new Primary MD, and suddenly to the PT's surprise--she's walking laps around him with the walker.
September- We've gotten her off a lot of the blood pressure meds, she starts out-patient PT, OT is satisfied to not be needed, she goes to a Baby Shower--her first social event, PT had her up and down stairs and doing laps, she's reading books again, doing her bills, and finally an outing to see her Daughter-in-law in her latest play.
October- a (insane) road trip to Nebraska, a fall, a set-back, a refusal to leave the comfort zone of her wheelchair, my insistence that she use her walker and the bathroom, and she now plays solitaire again.
November- an end to PT, a (nearly as insane) road trip to New England, (there is no doubt now, my house is too small for a walker, much less a wheelchair), panics if  I am standing to far away when she gets up with the walker, I stand further and further away, we shocked my brother when we came to visit and I pushed up an empty wheel chair, (umm, where's Mom?  walking behind me.).
December- She is at weight with a possibility of gaining 7 more pounds--or not, Cardiology has cut her to every 6 month visits, she's organising her life--going through closets, drawers and cupboards while standing with her walker, I occasionally remind her to stand up straight (work on balance) and not lean on the walker, for the first time since the big stroke in 2004, she finished one of her murder mysteries before it was due with no renewals!

getting back to normal 

talk, child.

12/14/12

In grief

 for the children, teachers,

 parents, community,

 town, county, state, nation and the world.

To the Media,

"Need to Know"

and

 the act of 

Vultures

are

two very different 

thinks

(Thanks Kim for your very well written blog entry @ http://mamabythebay.com)

happy voices cry.

Ah, the secret little JOYs of Christmas.

The semi-detached condo development Mom and Dad bought into, is built in such a way, that your view in front, is limited to straight out the window.  (The mailboxes, which are just over and across the drive, cannot be seen from their condo.)  If your Christmas tree is going to be viewed by all from the drive, it can only be placed in the front den, if you have one.  Because of this, there are little Christmas Joys that can be enjoyed by the few.

From the little kitchen window we can see two neighbors trees, and we are the only ones that can enjoy them outside these homes.  (Sorta like Christmas Easter Eggs!)

the deck decorations can be seen by others, but the tree, is all ours! The multi colored streak at the top of their window is the reflection of our deck Christmas lights.

The house directly behind us, has a little corner of Christmas decorations in its backyard, that specifically faces our condo.  (When we go out, we love to see their front yard, which they do up nicely.)

If they had placed the lantern and banner on an angle, other condos could enjoy too, but they didn't. Maybe because of our deck lights and banner that face them?!  (do I even mention our spastic solar lights that think they are strobes.)

I decorated 3 small trees in the development for others to enjoy . . . they too cannot be seen from our home . . . but others can see them from theirs.

We can't see any of them

but our neighbor from across the drive

can see all of them from various windows in her condo.

Christmas Joy,

get it where you can.

half no time

I feel as though I have done nothing but run since we got back.

Mom is to the point, that she is NEVER where I left her anymore!  She still asks for help with some things, but as a rule, she goes about the house doing her own thing.  (this also entails her coming up with 15 things she wants me to do, now.  Priority means nothing.  Let me finish this first, means nothing.  It's a "Stroke thing" I know, but it is starting to make me nuts.  I suppose I should be pleased she is finally regaining mental/personality independence she hasn't had since the damage caused in 2004.)  For this I am happy, but her swinging moods are going to be the death of me.

We go to a School Christmas Concert, and as the wheelchair runs up over my foot on the down slope of an auditorium, I ask her, (gently), to please not release the brake on the chair when I'm trying ready her for a transfer to the auditorium seat.  She starts to whimper and cry that she is sorry.  (I think that crowds now put her into a panic.)

Christmas:  you ain't sent her a Christmas Card, no matter WHAT the circumstances, YOU ain't getten one!  Christmas tipping . . . ain't happening.  Don't even get me started on Gifting.

Two unfortunates here . . .

1.  with very good reason, I did not particularly care for the person she was before the stroke, and that person seems to be coming back.

2.  since I have no wages or allowance, her gifts to others, (or lack of), are inextricably linked to me.  (and WHAT and HOW do I buy for her?  A few years back I found a magazine that really appealed to her, but now I have transferred my subscription on to hers, so we don't get duplicates every month, therefore getting her the yearly subscription for Christmas this year is silly.)

Sigh

I think I will join the elf, and swing from the ceiling fan.

Alice was sorry

I just returned from my New England home.

I'm Sorry

I was unable to 

call/see/visit 

most all of You,

my beloved New England Friends.

My main goal was to get winter clothes.

In 4 days I . . .

1.  Change of address with post office
2.  Town H2O Dept.
3.  Property Tax Office
4.  Town Clerk
5.  Dentist (1st cleaning in a year and 2 days before a crown popped off)
6.  Veterinarian (only brought a month or 2 of heartgard, needed to make sure they didn't have heart worm)
7.  2 feet of mail to go through (and that was minus the junk mail)
8.  Update info with various magazines subscriptions
9.  Update info with various utilities
10. Winterize yard
11. Winterize house
12. Insurance Agent about the House
13. Obtain my New Scrub tops and shower curtain I had a friend make
14. Rummage through 3 bins of winter clothes to come up with 1 bin
15. Ship bin to Michigan (1 kennel with 2 dogs, and walker I need constant quick access to for Mom, and very little more will fit in the car going back)
16. Vote (3rd time on same question . . . NO means NO)
17. Furniture store to spend almost $400 gifted from said store (expires 1/6/13 picture ID required)
18. Live and in Person see my Home's New roof, side entry, basement windows, and the repairs to eaves and foundation (all done after I left in July)

I did not even take time to take pictures of all the improvements done to my Home. (dang it!  none! nada! ahh rats!)

So, I repeat . . .

I'm sorry, I did not 

call/see/visit

you 

while I was Home.

I'm going to sleep for a couple days now,
Four 740 mile drives in one month is starting to get to me.

All my love,

shrink any further

I've been trying to get Mom back to a healthy weight.

Her appetite is back, but there seems to be that old Dieter Mentality still lurking.

Back to her old self, she found an outfit she liked in one of the dozens of catalogs that come every week.  She insisted on ordering her old size.  I questioned this and suggested at least one size smaller.

"but I've ALWAYS been this size!"

The beautiful pair of charcoal gray slacks came . . . and she realized if she doesn't wear a (tight) belt, they will be around her ankles.

so

Last night with her football game, she requested a big bag of popcorn, (unusual and I did not need to feed half the bag to the birds), then she did not complain when I brought the nightly root beer float, and this morning was the first time she did not try to give me half her cinnamon roll.

Contact,

we have 

finally 

made 

Contact!

an un-birthday

Happy Un-Birthday 

to you!

less then two months before you left

It is quite strange to think, 

that I am now older then you. 

 

Oddly enough, July 16th, when I returned most recently, was the official passing of you in age.

I miss our phone conversations.  I always enjoyed your opening line . . .

"So have you heard from our OLDER sibling?"

For some strange reason, everyone always thought our Younger Brother was the eldest.

So there you are, after 9 years of dancing with cancer, still looking young and "full of it!"

See you later.

Love to you always,

your sister